The Raccoon Apocalypse

I'm fairly certain that I just recovered from a delayed hangover.. wait, is that even possible?

I'm going to go with a "yes" to answer that question, why? Because it's the only explanation I could come up with on short notice, deal with it. Since this weekend was such a blast, it honestly wouldn't even surprise me anyway. The only downer was the flat out neglect a few (ALL) of my friends demonstrated in their lack of cape wear. Hello! It was an excuse to wear a cape!

Anyways; great adventures were had during the camping trip. I mean, how many times do you get to witness a bunch of partially intoxicated "adults" running around with super soaker's defending a campsite from the raccoon apocalypse? Exactly, not often and I gotta be honest with you... the view was freaking hilarious. Never fear for no raccoons were actually harmed during the campsite defence; just left slightly damp. Now, some of you are probably wondering "Why the hell were you guys chasing raccoons with Super Soaker's?" Well, sit back and allow me to explain.

You see, it started the first night when a couple raccoons thought it'd be "cool" to stick their heads into the tent my friend and I were sharing. Needless to say we flailed like a bunch of cowards; hey, it seemed to get them way from our tent at least for the rest of the night. In the morning what do we see just lying on our picnic table, yep one of the Raccoons completely stated and passed out. Have you tried chasing away a tired Raccoon? It's hard work! Anyway, the following night a couple coon's thought they'd decided to try and get in on the party action. Which was fine to begin with, we had dropped some random food on the far side of the site and saw no harm in letting them vacuum it up for us. That was, until they decided to come back with a bunch of their buddies.

Pretty much like this, but with our entire site!

If you've ever been to a party, you probably know that the host more often then not can get irritated when you show up with a bunch of people unexpected; the same idea applies here. Now they were just being greedy little bastard, especially when they tried to get in on the S'mores action. Not cool wildlife, not cool at all. That little overstep prompted some of my buddies to grab the Super Soaker's yours truly had brought (and previously used to wake some of them up with!) in a form of Raccoon Control. You'd have thought from witnessing is that the Raccoons were some sort of international terrorist the way they worked to keep them away.

I seriously wish I had night vision on my camera to have caught all the action. You probably wouldn't even believe me if I told you half of the things that happened this weekend. If that weekend was put up for a reality TV show segment, the viewers would be endless.

Anyway, there's the always fashionably late update. More sarcasm will be coming your way later on in the week.

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Happy May24 Canada!

So this one time, I had a super cool idea for a blog post... but then I thought "Eh, Screw it!" and decided to give you this lump of randomness instead. Deal with it.


Now I wouldn't say I'm hungover however, I'm definitely in that state where you have the inkling of a headache but are unsure whether or not it was caused by; A) Last night's alcohol intake or B) Sleeping like a hibernating grizzly bear in the mountains all day. I mean, how am I suppose to decipher these mixed signals brain.. really come on now, cut me some bloody slack!

because taking out those encyclopedias were just
too much of a damn hassle.

Encase you are unaware this weekend is the long celebration weekend of May24 in Canada. To tell you the truth, in all my years I've never really paid attention to what the May24 weekend was for.. I just considered it a drinking holiday - like everyone else. So, to fix this little blunder which was undoubtedly caused by the school system I decided to google it; you like anyone else would have probably done long before now. Guess who now feels like a complete idiot for not knowing sooner? Yeah, this girl! Apparently, the May24 weekend is a celebration held on the last Monday before May 25th in honour of Queen Victoria's birthday. Let me be the first non-intoxicated person of my generation to wish her grace a happy 193rd birthday! The party's been great thus far, thanks!

Like the proper (and now slightly more educated) Canadian I am, I've been celebrating this weekend. No, not by camping like most.. that'll be next weekend when the alcohol ban has been lifted. Instead, I started off with Sex Toy Bingo, downtown on Friday night with a couple of my best girls. If you have little shame in participating in things like; Dick Toss, Moan Off's and Sex Position Charades for tie breakers - it's definitely a place where you would flourish. Not only is it entertaining, but all proceeds go to various charities. That's right, you too can win dildos for a good cause; all while sipping on a Porn Star and watching a male pole dancing show.. I love my life. Now to keep things going, last night I joined some friends down at a local watering hole for some good conversation and dancing. Not gonna lie, I had a blast. Especially while walking (never stumbling) through the park at 2am and finding a couple Frisbee's. Finding those probably made my weekend to be honest... hey, shuddup! No judgemental breakfast clubs allowed here!

So yeah, that's been my weekend so far... and it pretty much makes me sound like an alcoholic. I promise I'm not one tho. Alcohol just likes me. 

Tune in for your next dose of sarcasm; airing May 24th!